A pause

The house was quiet today, and it will be quiet tomorrow The babies that are normally here are home sick with a stomach bug. My own baby is doing fine, but even all of the sounds she can make do not compare to the ruckus of five toddlers.

Two full days of strange quiet – it makes it feel like nido isn't even real. As if it existed in this magical 3-week span of time during which we all loved each other and each others kids and were all trying to do our best. Then poof! Gone.

It's not really gone, but we have lost a couple of families recently, and these 2 days of quiet have given me a pause to reflect on how things have been going. It's quiet moments like this that the doubt can creep in – questions, negative thoughts, wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Did those two families pull out because of me? What could I have done better?

I'll admit that it's tough to keep my head down and keep pushing forward. Even though I can brush off 'failure' pretty easily, at some point I wonder if I'm wrong for brushing off failure – maybe these failures mean that I shouldn't move forward. And that I especially shouldn't be trying to grow this project.

It's too easy to get caught up in thinking like this. The truth is, I believe in nido, and I believe in myself. I think that not too long ago I would have been angry when families dropped out. My reasoning is different now – I know that any idea worth having and worth doing is not going to be perfect for everyone. Yes, it has to be perfect for some people. But I'm still trying to figure out what perfect looks like for us and to find those people who can benefit the most from this project.